Friday, September 7, 2012

anybody out there?

I have no idea if anyone actually reads this... but in any case, I'm still here, and still working full-time with a 4 month old as a single mother. No more 3 in a rows at work. The 2 in a rows about kill me now. I have to get up an hour earlier to leave for the babysitter's, and come back an hour later and put the baby in bed.

And I'm pregnant. Whoo. Not yet 6 weeks, but enough to add just that little extra bit (a lot actually) of exhaustion.

I have also been severely irritable at work. Usually I am happy with my job, grateful to be an amazing ICU at such a good facility, grateful to have a job I love that I went to school for. But I'm unable to keep myself from just wanting to snap at the doctor's, and yell at my patient, and stab some of my co-worker's in the eye with a cue-tip. Then I get so tired, at the end of day 2, tears are coming to my eyes and I'm about to just break down like a big blubbering baby begging someone to just let me sleeeeep.

I haven't told anyone at work yet, either, so right now they all think I'm on lifting restrictions, because I won't lift or turn without a lift or extra help. We do it all day long, and I don't want to break my back when I still have my foster son and a big belly (soon to come) to carry around on top of everything.

I don't think anyone has yet noticed that I'm only dipping into the decaf coffee (and I'm usually a coffee addict) or that I'm sweating and about to pass out whenever we're turning and cleaning a really fat patient, no wait, maybe they did notice that. In fact, two co-workers actually said (not seriously) maybe you're pregnant. My job is physically demanding, but many of our nurses get pregnant and continue to work, but I just never realized how seriously hard it is! And I'm only at the very very beginning!

My boss is going to be so thrilled that I'm going to require another leave for the baby. Oh effin' well. I'm so sick of bosses. And bitchy co-workers. And crazy, uncooperative patients. Have I mentioned I'm cranky as hell??


tabbiecat66 said...

lol, yeah i know what you mean. i worked through both my pregnancies till the very end. I turned, pulled up, reached, squatted (had a hard time emptying foleys!). Its a very strenuous job that most people just dont get. They actually have no idea, the physical and emotional toll it takes on you. But we love it!! Ive been an ICU nurse for 13 years, and am also a single mom of 2 boys, its hard to do it all. But we do it! Your hormones are going crazy and you are TIRED. Try some meditation , sometimes even talk therapy helps alot- get it all out, just not to your patients! I know that irritating feeling, work through it, you can. Best of luck to you!!

Pearl87ful said...

Hang in there!! It will get better!! i worked as a nurse, a 12 hour shift before i delivered my twins that night--talk about exhausted...i do not remember much about their first year (thank goodness for pictures!)...

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Angela said...

I saw your comment on my blog this morning. I noticed that you haven't posted in a while, but I still wanted to reach out. I'm very sorry, and I'm here if you need to talk.