Friday, April 18, 2014

them's fightin' words

Don't you always know trouble's a'comin' when a certain nurse takes shift report from you? She's bound to find every possible mistake (and the definition of that word is often debatable) that you made, might've made, or could've made. She will inevitably be riled up if you left anything for her to do. And each and every grievance will be written into a nice little email that is forwarded to you, your supervisor, and your manager.

And then your manager will ask you to come in and address her (real or imagined) concerns, and you address them all in writing and further dig yourself into a hole by making a snide remark about how this nurse obviously can't handle a busy shift.

Because your nursing student fails to give proper oral care, she is dragged into the hospital with her nursing professor to be officially reamed out. I assure her that this is all part of being a nurse (so get out while you still can). The nursing student cries, and shakes, and writes profusely apologetic emails to your manager and you, even though WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

In reality, you kept two very unstable patients alive for 12 hours while simultaneously guiding doctors with a loving but firm hand, keeping butts clean and dry, keeping skin intact with turns q2, ordering pressor refills, and orchestrating a string of procedures that seem to cause more harm than good. Nurse Ratched would prefer that you also restring all new lines for her, keep your tube feed bags full to the brim, iron the sheets and wax the floors, Florence Nightingale style.

Seriously, she said I left my patients in a state of "disarray". Next time I'll wax the floors with your blonde ponytail, you biotch! 

I was much more polite in meetings with the manager.