4th week ICU

I'm definitely getting more comfortable on my new floor. There is still SO much I don't know, but it will be that way even when I'm off of orientation. I find myself now getting a bit annoyed with having a preceptor. I don't like anyone else adding things to "my" flowsheets, or I sometimes disagree with the way we are titrating the insulin, etc. I guess I'm a bit anal, and fit right in with the rest of the ICU nurses!

Last week I had classes, some interesting, some not. Most of what I got out of it was a sense of comeraderie with other ICU nurses, new and old, and a profound respect for the nurses who have been in it for decades. They are so amazing.

I have been having a lot of difficult discussions with family members about their dying loved ones. It's hard to know what to say to a family that is faced with the most difficult decision of their lives: when to pull the plug, or just stop life support. But as hard as it is, I find myself jumping right in and being willing to have that conversation with the family if they want to. They seem eager to talk to the nurse, to know our opinions, to share their feelings. I don't have the right way of explaining things down pat yet, but my preceptors are good at helping me out with ideas. I didn't realize what a huge part of ICU nursing it would be, dealing with grief and decision making with the family members.

This weekend I tried to relax, sleep in, and work on the yard. I do feel very proud of myself for advancing in my career and being willing to take the plunge into a totally new area in order to learn and grow in my profession. I feel like I am becoming a better nurse, even when it's hard. Add that to the small gardening projects around the house (I'm not a gardening person) and I feel more proud of myself than ever. It's nice to be able to give myself a pat on the back, when I feel so emotionally down.