day in, day out

I wake up at 6am. It's my fifth day in a row, out of seven. Second twelve hour shift. My work clothes are in the dryer but I still tear the dresser apart looking for another shirt. Sometimes I eat cereal before I go, sometimes I use the milk at work and eat it after report. Once, I tripped on the bottom step on the way to my car, and tore a hole in my pants. At 7, I'm trying to figure out if my assignment is ok, and usually I just say "ok whatever, I'll take it". Now I'm thinking about a cup of coffee, if I can get one off the patient cart, or if I'll try to make some myself. Sometimes it's ok, sometimes I burn it. I don't know how I do that, because I do it the same way every time. I just push "start brew" and sometimes it burns. What a mystery.

I post my strips, I do my assessments, I dole out pills, I fill out care plans, I get walks and baths finished. It's usually nine or ten when I sit down to chart. But no one else is there. Am I just fast? Or am I forgetting something? I answer my lights. I read my patients' histories and labs. I think about more coffee. The rest of the day is meds, walks, and damage control.

Report is when it all comes clear. Did I really tke care of everything? Make things easier on the next nurse? When I get home my feet are achy, despite the ted hose and extra support in my expensive walking shoes. I sometimes still smell c-diff stool. I take off my clothes first thing, but I'm too tired to shower. I feel too tired to eat, but I usually do. I try to stay awake for a while, for Saba's sake. But sleep comes easy, after days like this. I don't need to take anything, or stay up reading long.

I got to sleep in today, ahhh the joy.